Song of Agony by a Jogini

I was barely fourteen

when they bared me.

It was a monstrous mutilation

of my virginity.

Mats were spread

they spread the news of my puberty.

my altar did show stains of blood

and my dark kohl under the eyes

absorbed my anguish.

I mistook the celebration

until they took me to the temple.

Sweets were bitter

sweat and blood symbolized my agony.

I was married to God, there is no pride,

for all these lecherous men

it seems I was the bride...

Who said God dwells in temples,

saw only a priest

who tied the unholy knot!

They said now I'm a goddess

(but I pray to men)

with no power to choose my mate, alas!

I cried in silence, in pain too

but it didn’t mean anything

to my mean Lord.

My tears were red

rolling through turmeric

and through pain.

My Lord still penetrated,

the priest doesn’t speak of sin.

why no choices for me

in this animal kingdom of men?

I wish to be a lass of love

not a god’s spouse...

am I more sinned against than sinning?

I beseech to return my virginity

who obliges me?

_____________________________________________________________

Description: Jogini is a system practised in Andhra Pradesh, India. In this system poor, lower caste girls are married to local deities (and are called god’s servants) and later they are offered to an upper caste village elder or landlord. As time passes by, most of the men in the village end up exploiting these girls. Failing to offer sexual and other similar services will result in brutal beating by the villagers. They remain Joginis forever. The practice dates back to some 2000 years and is still deeply ingrained in Telangana (quite interior, though) area of Andhra Pradesh, India.